I fell in love. And, as it often happens with passion, I did stupid things. I wrote love letters. And as that poet says, as all love letters, ridiculous. I wrote many poems! The time I completely understood Álvares de Azevedo and innocent enough I believed that it was true love, that I thought I was able to accept all the faults on the other person. Ah, my 20s…
When Sheldon – The big bang theory, season 3 – was so sure about Jiminy cricket, he even bet his “Flash” card. But he was wrong.
And only much later on I realized how it was really not meant to be, and I felt ashamed of all I did because I was just blind. Sometimes we think we are so certain of something and we want so bad to believe it, but it’s just… wrong. Now, it seems like a loop and I’m forced to think about it all again.
But years passed and things change. So, what’s changed? Well, first, there is not so much age difference between Jimmy and I. Unlike Doug, who was 20 years older, or even that married guy who was 10 years older and I didn’t really love.
Jimmy and I have some similar interests. And he’s a German descendant, plus Italian descendant, which obviously reminds me of that past. The life of another story, when I was the one who was married and this Italian man had to win me over – perhaps there is a spiritual background. Only, well, Jimmy doesn’t really believe in reincarnation.
Surely, it made my day when I found out he remembered me (very teenager stuff, “he knows my name!” kinda thing). But I know “it’s only Jimmy”. And that, now that is a change.
I will not build up here a fairytale. I know that society usually makes pressure on us, like at a certain age you gotta study, then you gotta find a job, then a right person for you, then marry and have kids. I know that at some point I had made plans (that obviously didn’t work), but after some life experiences, call me different, I realized I wanted to be happy.
Not only do what society is asking of me, simply “be happy”. Even if I’m doing another university course at this age, so what, I’m different, who said I can’t do it? I’m trying to live a happy life.
Even if I’m not married, so what? Who said that you gotta be with someone and have kids to be happy?
After a certain time in your life, you don’t need to build up fairytales. You can just live. You don’t need to insist “that is the only ideal person for me and I will only be happy if I have that and that”. You know yourself. You love yourself, what you’ve lived and learned, the people you’ve met and loved, you know what you want. And then, yes, when you have this big love for everything, for all in life and yourself, then, you can be happy.
No matter what others tell you, no matter how difficult sometimes it can be, you are living. You don’t need to think you’re going to die anymore (just because others have so much, but look at you). You don’t need to cry yourself out and suffer. It’s just Jimmy. You can be happy, no matter what, it’s you the one who will make it.